Dad's gone Madddddd!

Dedicated to the Wacky Adventures of Mad-Dad and his Daughter!

The other night Vi and I were watching "So you think you can dance? Season 9" just after dinner- the Chehon-Cyrus routine was on .

As always, we both were engrossed. She is as fascinated by dance as I am.

But then the conversation began:


Vi: Loooook at their bodies, Mumma. So many muscles. So strong naa?

Me (snapping out of dance reverie!): Huhhh? What???

Vi: Their bodies, Mumma! Like Krishna and Ram... Very strong and so many muscles.

Me (relaxing a bit): Oh yes... very strong.  The Gods are very strong.

Clearly, the mythology stories narrated by Ajoba were giving her ideas.

Vi: Not God, Mumma! I am talking about Krishna. He always sleeps without any shirt.

Me ( the Mumma radar has picked a very strong red alert! I look at her intently while she is still staring at the screen): Who Krishna? Who was sleeping without a shirt? When did you see him?

Vi ( replying a very 'matter-of-fact' manner, without taking her eyes off the TV) : Krishna! Krishnaaaa, Mumma! From Krissh3 movie. He also wears pajamas like this, and doesn't wear shirts while sleeping.

I am stunned... and I don't know if I should be happy or worry about my daughter's observation skills and associative memory!

ME (regaining composure): And then who is Ram?

Vi: Tattad Tattad Tattad Tattad!

I call up the husband: Do you know what your daughter has been saying?

And I narrate the incident to him. I can hear him snickering over the phone.

Sam: Well... She's your daughter, and clearly a Hrithik fan!

SAMIRRRRRRR!!! GRRRRRRR!!!!!!

Me: You took her to watch Ram Leela!!! In the theatre! RAM-LEELA!

Sam, with the usual calm: Well, you took her to watch Krrish 3... It's not exactly a kids' movie, either... never mind the U rating.

Vi (pips in): Ram Leela is a nice movie, Mumma... Nagada sang dhol baaja... Bhai-bhai- Dham-dham Bhai! Krish is a little bit scary. Dhoom:3 is also nice!

Me giving up.... 
Although, I admit he is RIGHT- Krrish:3 was more adult that D:3 or RL... I mean, the amount of combined cleavage between Hrithik and Kangna was mind-boggling. Katrina, Deepika, Uday Chopra didn't even come close! And honestly, WHO on the censor board thought D:3 needed a U/A rating... and for which scenes exactly?
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Baap-Beti are fascinated by Hindi movies... they can watch *ANY* movie (even the dubbed ones!)... at home, in theatre... with glazed eyes, dropped jaws, and temporary deafness to any auditory stimulus other than the blaring sound-track... for that matter, temporary numbness to any other external stimulus.

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At 1 year and 4 months, Vi had learned that her 'FULL' name was Vividha Chameeeeer Papad.

Chameeeeer Papad is like a sibling for her- Partner in crime &  pranks, direct competition for Mumma's affection, and blanket cover for ANY disciplining from Mumma. She called him Chameer for a long time, until her grand-mas decided that she needs to learn to 'respect' the dad. So it became 'Daddu-bear' for a while.

Now, she calls him Brownie-bear, mainly for his skin tone (where does she get these racist ideas from?!) and  accuses him of not bathing properly. Sometimes, when she is Mewki the cat, he is Meuker the bear, and I am Cuddly the dog. Or she is Spiderman, I am Ice-man and he is Firestar.
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When she was over 2 years old, I planned to enroll her for playschool. And the Aadarsh Bharatiya Mata that I am trying to be, I thought she should have a bit of a headstart. She already knew her ABC-song ( I had made it into a lullaby, and she picked it pretty early on- "H-I-Jacket-Elemeno-Peeeee" ). So the next logical step would be to teach her A for Apple. I delegated the responsibility to the Dad. Some hours later, the kid comes to me and sings "ABCDEFG-G mein se nikle Gandhijiiiiiii... Gandhiji ne khaya Peru... Peru mein se..."

SAMIRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

"OK... OK... OK...! Chill, yaar. I'll teach her *PROPERLY!*...

By the end of the next day, she says the entire ABCD pointing to all the right pictures... and when she reaches Z... Z for JIBHDAAAA... NYEAHHHHHHHH!!!
(Jibh-da= Colloquial Gujju term for 'Jibh'/ Tongue)


SAMIRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! 
GRRRRRRRRR!!!




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If he tucks her in at night, neither of them brushes! "Sher aur Sher ke bachche kabhi brush nahi karte!" And they vegetate on the bed watching episodes of Sarabhai v/s Sarabhai on the phone, late into the night, sharing ear-phones! While I try to sleep...
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He takes her to the swimming pool (very rarely) but they make it into a ceremony, in full gear with all the associated (and unassociated) paraphernalia ... inflatable vest and arm-bands, float-ring, cap,  goggles, water-gun with a tank back-pack, a toy... or two... or dozen. The whole nine yard... or shall we say, 10 feet? Fortunately, the club staff and members are kind enough to not mind  rubber-ducks, Angry Birds, Doraemons, shovels and pails floating by them, as they sincerely do their Olympic length laps.

Post swimming, they both eat dosa/ idli/ juice at that horribly over-priced, poorly serviced restaurant adjoining the club and she brags about her 'adventures' to everyone she meets all day.
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P.S. (7th April. Past 11:00 pm): I gleefully nudge the Pati while he is watching a random Hindi dubbed South India movie on TV with rapt attention,

"Dekho, dekho, aaj maine blog pe kya likha!" and shove the phone in his face.

He looks at it intensely for about 6 minutes 37 seconds, with trademark furrowed eyebrows over his bespectacled eyes.

Me, impatiently, "Well? What do you think?"

A pause. And then, "It's really nice! So smooth!"

The budding writer in me is exhilarated for a nanosecond, but the wife in me is wiser:
"What do you mean "nice and SMOOTH"?

The Pati, nonchalantly,
 "The screen- it's really slick and such fun to swipe on a large surface like this," caressing the brand new. brick-sized Sony Xperia T2 Ultra.

SAMIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!